Re-Lease

I don't enjoy waking up with lovers on my mind that are no longer in my realm of space. Why does my brain hold so tightly, to that which no longer desires me. Maybe there is a desire. Deep down, set back, and perceivably forgotten. Might as well be. No hurt or shame from it, only truth. Why do I, though, remember so fondly? Why must I continue to feel and experience lingering love? Lust? The ideas we'd share as we lie together. The warmth of another body. The thrill of touching another soul in ways that it craved to be touched. Providing a service to myself though others. Learning. Learning how to communicate effectively. Learning how to love unconditionally. Learning how to live in the present moment. 

No, I'm not deprived of anything. Intimacy? Can't be. I never felt super close to holding space for intimate interactions, anyway. Maybe I've grown a longing for it, though. The absence of interaction sparks such notion. Generally, interactions feel more of a chore, but intimacy seems more intriguing. Like, that's what I miss. Pondering, analyzing, and absorbing the shared moments of intimacy. 

If it's not obvious that I reside largely in my head, I'm sure a flag has been raised. Why is it so mental when the heart is at the center of it all? The energy seems to shoot back and forth like a lightning bolt, charging all the "shoulda, coulda, wouldas" of the past decade as I continue to pedal through the emotions left behind. My legs are goop. Nothing left but a singular root as I sway in the breeze of each new day. All I can do is feel. I'm free in the winds of change to feel the coolness and potential of each new day, rooted in the Source of it all. That's all I know for certain. I guess that is all I can ask for, aside from my daily provisions of peace, patience, persistence and perseverance. 

Be merciful in removing the evolved energy of those who've dwelled in this inner space of mine. If the desire is to no longer explore here, please be kind to move on. As thee are free, please release me. I love you. I thank you. I cherish you, forever. 🧡