Silly

I can't wrap my mind around it. "It" being the combination of these lingering thoughts, emotions, and desires of a lost connection. True, the good times were very, very good. An almost cosmic high that we never wanted to end, but polarity is in alignment with the heart. That is the center of who and what we are. Our actions stem from that place, naturally. There will likely never be complete joy or despair. 

Now, it's hard to quantify how many decisions we made that lead us to our respective paths, and I guess now it doesn't even matter. That's what makes this whole thought process feel off. This spell of life lived, others loved, and experiences had, and I'm still unable to fathom why my thoughts always wander back to you and I. It's not always lust but a longing to know. Light bulb. After all this time I've wondered why I still care or even enjoy there being a seemingly inability to shield your life from me, but I see that it actually satisfies me. You've always inspired me in some way. Why would I not want to be a part of your life, even as a listening ear? Because it also hurts. Silly. 

That's the big thing. The pain. But for what? I know how this goes. Well, I know how it went. I know how it's been going. Through the years, there have been glimpses of the same dejected scenes and themes. Feeling stuck in the middle feels off. The same air of wildness, not completely identical, but very familiar. A triggering disconnect. Silly. 

I know there must be some way to get past this era as I begin to step into another period of space in this realm. There must be some resolve, resolution, or revelation. There has to be because this dumbness is no longer cute. It never was and that's why I tend to feel so ill towards it. These emotions feel sad and pathetic. I am neither of those things. I won't allow them to define any aspect of my life as I have so much to offer. 

To love an imperfect love is to know unconditional love. To feel unconditional love is an immeasurable blessing that we are afforded each day, but often take for granted. At the end of it all, I know this enables my heart to expand further than I can imagine. While I'm usually left puzzled by certain themes of life such as this one, I am immensely grateful for the peculiarity and pricelessness of it - embracing the good, the bad, and the silly.